insert cool title here: Weird boys who go to the bar with their mom, blow job shots, and pizza

Whew!
So as you should all know, this past weekend my sister came down to stay with me and J to celebrate her 21st birthday. And it was quite the celebration. I should never drink like that. Ever. I don't know how I managed to survive all of college drinking like that, multiple times a week. It's crazy.

Anyway, we arrived at the hotel and began drinking immediately. Once Devin and I were all ready to go, which took like 2 hours because I was so excited to have a girl to get ready with. I mean J is great and all and usually gives good advice when I ask him questions about my clothes, hair, jewelry, amount of fatness in a tight shirt, my forehead pimple, what-have-you, it was nice to have a girl there! We primped, and fixed each others hair and make-up and swapped clothes and jewelry. So fun.
Devin ended up wearing my white jeans, which I bought last summer because I saw a model in a magazine wearing some and she was super long, and lean, and skinny, and tan and so I ran out and bought white jeans. Only then did I realize I look nothing like Miranda Kerr or Heidi Skinny in Your Face, so they still had the tags on them. Devin spots them and decides she HAS to wear them. I told her I thought it was a bad idea to wear white pants on her 21st birthday. Especially when everything is coated in a thick layer of disgusting yellow pollen right now. She doesn't care she HAS to wear them. I say: knock yourself out.
Just remember that she is wearing white pants...this will matter later on in my tale.

And then our night really began...
First stop: Kirby's Pub
How we got there: Walked across the street (very convenient)

Of course the boys had to pee when we got there, so Devin and I grabbed some seats at the bar while they hit the b*room together (so cute) Before our asses even touched down on the barstool this kid with Ryan Cabrera Koosh Ball hair squeezed in between us and yelled "It's by 21st birthday, do you wanna do a shot?!" So of course I tell him that it is also my sister's 21st birthday and she would love to do a shot. So as this little punk rocker wanna-be is wiggling in between us, my butt is getting scooted off of my barstool so he can be closer to my sis. I think, okay, maybe Dev thinks he's cute so I'll just move down a seat so they can chat and take shots. First mistake. This kid was such a tool. He was loud and funny looking and had weird dead shark eyes. Ya know the kind I mean? When you look into them, they are kind of looking at you but kind of looking through you at the same time. Expressionless. Empty. DUMB.

So I move to the corner of the bar and secure a tiny table and a few bar stools for all of us. At this time, the boys are back and wondering who this little creep is talking to my sister and why she keeps making this "pleasegodsaveme" face the entire time. So I call her over to us. No such luck though, puppy dog idiot boy just follows her and pulls up a stool to our table. He then proceeds to tell us all about the food at this place, what bars are fun, how his bro and his girlfriend (who he says is really cool btw, you guys will really like her) are on their way with his DAD. Hold it. His dad? At this point I look over to the "crew of friends" he claims to be there with and notice that this crew consists of one person. His mom.

As he continues to talk excitedly to my sister and she continues to look like she wants to kill herself, I am starting to get annoyed. He then throws around some excited hand gesture and splashes her beer onto her lap. Like seriously kiddo? Get out of here. This is when J gives him a look and says "nice to meet you, maybe we will see you later" hint hint hint. He finally gives up and leaves, but not before promising to introduce us to his dad when he gets there. awesome.

(Side Note: I know this is a lot to read but I promise I will give you some great pictures at the end...bear with me)

Second stop: Seacret's
How we got there: A free taxi with a jamaican driver named Phil who drove me all over Salisbury while I was in college. ( what a life saver that Phil is)

I don't know if I told you this but J and I both worked at Seacret's for a few summers. That is actually how we met. But that's a story for another day. So needless to say we do not like to just go "hang out" there. We run into a bajillion people we know, and have to stop and chat with everyone blah blah. But it is a cool place to drink, especially for a freshly 21 year old so we went. We took shots. LOTS of shots. We danced. It was fun.
Okay, so remember those white jeans Dev is wearing? Well we decided to do blow job shots. For those of you who are unfamiliar they are 2/3 Bailey's and 1/3 Amaretto topped with a bunch of whipped cream = delicious. The thing is, you can't use your hands to drink them. You have to put your hands behind your back and put your mouth around the shot glass and tip your head back to drink it. Usually not a problem. Seacret's shot glasses...are very large. Too large to fit your mouth around ( I don't care what kind of freakishly large mouth hole you have, it's too big.) Which is how Devin ended up with brown "blow job" shot all over my her white pants.

Final stop: Kirby's Pub (again)
How we got there: PHIL!

Back at Kirby's. Very drunk. Need drunk food. Order pizzas to be delivered to our hotel room in 30 min. We figure we can finish our beers and walk back across the highway to the hotel and our pizza will be there.

45 min later

J gets a call on his phone and it's non other than our pizza delivery guy who is knocking on our hotel room door. Ooops. J begs him to bring the pizza across the street to Kirby's and promised to tip him well (btw we always tip well)

5 min later

PIZZA! Yes, we had pizza delivered to a bar that also serves food...badasses.
When we finally got back to the hotel we were drunk, full and so tired so passing out facedown in our beds was the final stop for our night. Success.

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